I didn’t
know I was autistic
I did not know I could relate
They did not know their raised tunes scared me
Yet still they laughed and screamed.
Overwhelmed by people touching …me …without consent..
Beforehand.
I did not know I was autistic …
Distracted, anxious, in pain …
I was told I was an alien, that I had something to gain.
“You're weird, cold, a robot or too flower-power ....
Man...
I did not know I was autistic,
So I took notes, to concentrate,
So I could …function,
focus, work...to understand,
So I could belong with them.
“You’re strange, you’re broken, change
your self”
I wanted to be asked too for some events,
To join, to have the chance...
Make friends.
They were annoyed at my attempts, my way of thinking,
I did not share their strengths.
Was made to feel I was too much, too little too…
Yet not enough.
It’s too cold out, it hurts my skin, forgetting often to hydrate
or eat
It’s better though, with music on, some days I can let go
Others I can’t, no more.
I did not know I was autistic,
“Too guarded, strict, and too controlled,
You are chaotic”, I was told
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