I kept on eating, eating for dear life
Like I depended on it, survival was on strike
I kept on eating, I didn't like myself
My body tried to tell me I was becoming somebody else.
I kept on eating, feeling restless at heart.
Ask myself "what's going on? why are we mad?"
And still I kept on eating,
Soul must've been hungry for more
I should send s.o.s. signals more often
To check in with my core.
Would I wanna go knowing all that I know?
Would I keep trying to build "a dream to-go"?
Would I keep dancing to the rhythms that my heart forego?
Would I keep chanting your hymns alone?
Or do you want an altered life,
Achieve your dreams and call it strife?
I wish I had the confidence you've shown
In things pertaining to matters untold,
Unknown to my future, yet we keep holding on
With whom are we battling? Is it the ego,
Or is just the armor you like to put on?
For protection... I know.
How will I write in 10 years time
I wouldn't know for sure as moments go by
Our bones grow weary, souls should steady
Although they murmur sometimes
Disclosing hints through your eyes
Disappointment in your glance,
Afraid to hurt, I took a defense stance
Yet you held my vulnerability.
Do your hands still shake or are you with me?
Through my sun-orange to funeral-black
Are you grieving too? I know I hate my lack.
The missing parts I'm still learning to love
The broken sights that dream for just a bit more
Tho' I admit it sometimes feels I'm suffocating on a shore
Will you be just a passive chapter in the lore?
Will you fight and just hold on?
Learning to live with a stranger, whom I don't really know
She lets me ...in sometimes, she lets me borrow
A brief look at a future of us
I don't understand why they're afraid to show...
Believe, or maybe even "love" ...
Are you really here?
Or am I your method to live your escape, indulge in your vertigo?
I know you lived my madness, I tried to keep on, cling on
To hope
Hope that I'll be able to face my challenges head on
Hope to be called a doctor
SF or a myth to live for...
Or die trying to ride my ride
And keep my head above high tide.
Hai vântule, suflă-mi pe rană
Vântule rece, cu miros de iarnă
Îmi pari ca năluca jucând hore
în păduri, de iele cutreierate
Mi-ai dat o noapte,
Zile ce-au înghețat
Timpul cedat
Și te-am ales și-am ignorat
Că zborul tău părea dus în neant
Pentru cineva mai înalt.
Spune-i vântule, prinde-mă atunci când cad
Spune-i vântule cât a durut și în ce iad
Cât s-a pierdut din timp din noi, cât am să uit
Spune-i vântule când reflexiile noastre-n cioburi de suflete s-au spart
Ia-mi cuvintele mele și coase-i așternut de speranțe din ele
Ia-mi visele și acoperă-i vina
Ia-mi vântule lacrimile și du-le în inimi de dor secate
Ia-mi, în cele din urmă inima,
Ia-mi mâinile, du-te la spate, cum le-am simțit legate.
Rămâi cu mine când încă e soare
Plimbă-ți șoapta pe umerii mei, suflu prin păr răzvrătit
Rămâi cu mine în vidul meu din noapte
Și poartă-mă să pot s-ating stele departe.
Să pot să m-aprind din nebuloase colorate,
Să fie singurele ce pot să țină regrete blocate,
Transformate, să zboare precum cornetele din calea de lapte.
Rămâi cu mine vântule, să facem căi printre fapte
Să-mi oferi claritate,
Când stelele se sting, se pierd în goluri-ntunecate
Să-mi faci din meteori cercei de nestemate.
Any death is a crime against consciousness.
Am I strong enough
to take the universe to task for it?
Am I soft enough
to stand your dominance?
In a hall of
mirrors of which version would you let go? Want to go toward it,
When a
thousand half-loves must be forsaken,
To take one,
whole-heart, home and the will in yourself to be betaken?
I’ll draw the
fate of you into my hands and write my will across the sky
I’ll mythologize
constellations after you, after leaving you exhausted by
The moments
inside of me as synesthesia abounds, my whole body flamed
Desire takes over,
fire and flames, heart untamed
When you are not
here, time becomes slower and bends
As I’m the prisoner of you
outside of me, my soul transcends...
Too much time I wasted, making this life, too late
Breaking now into my fate, amor fati I make
Underneath your skin I shall find what is hidden within
As you’re allowed to look where you always wanted to, I lead
you in
As the night will get cold, our time will slow
Again yet as you remember me, there… low..
Coiling after hums that grow,
Protected under stars which on the darkest black show their
glow.
You came running, stealing my heaven above
Rewinding, my stars got enhanced, but something was holding
you back
Now I’m alone.
Did you find what you were looking for? Or do I go back to
black.
Come home, listen
to the music, don’t judge the sounds
As you hear, soon you will find our worlds will come
together
And all you’re doing is watching it unfold, screams, moans
of wins at the threshold
Begin, by listening … the boons and happiness by gods of old
foretold
In this dark time you hold my heart, still I treat you like a godsend
Could you take my
hand, hold it close? Until the end?
Could you take my
pain or should I be reborn, to alter
This life so far
I failed,
To Live again, to
take the blood of innocents on the altar
Of dementia. Babe?
Could you take my hand? I promise I’ll forget the slaughter
That you still
called her.
Familiar soothing
scents make a vortex around me, you smell as only art could
As only I could tell..., as I feel in
the eye of the storm, where the calm gets you to godhood
Too bad I’m so
obvious, as only a dog’s love could show you, I dared...
Too bad some are
oblivious to the grey on my shoulders I bear
Babe? Could you
take my pain?
Forgive my
kisses, I could not abstain
It was your wish,
the wish you were afraid of,
I was brave enough
to upheld
True, I dement it
again ...
So ....
I finally get to meet the reaper in me, who sealed the fate
Fire and blood in
a hellstorm, chasing after clarity at the cosmic gate
Gone at a whim,
the whiff of it disappearing, never real, an apparition to steal
My hopes away, now
I get to get dirty with reality itself, enjoying my blood meal.
Dancing with the
devil under pale moonlight, the wounds go deeper
Than everyone cares
to see, a hell underneath us,
It’s where
I find my self, trying to burry her, so I can keep her
Focused, she got it I know, you saw it too, the death seeks
her
Treacherous dreamer, born anew out of cadaverous worms, eager
To leech on the
rotten corpse beneath through all of these creepers
Leeching in,
reader, you’ll need her, but learn how to get used with cheaper,
Thought you could cheat on
I’m tired of being here, being fed up with, but let’s agree
on
The neon grave that looms above, all of me
Lingering while you captivate me still, with the us left
behind
With once-pleasant dreams, with all the sanity in me …now
declined
And I am still confined to vanilla haptic, amber redefined
My blood to yours still consigned.
Still all of me, enshrined to all your looks
The bloody glance you threw at me last time,
You saw me upset, but you never saw beneath…my smile's hooks...
that only in your
presence, as a woman, I felt divined.
No matter what I do, these scars are here to stay
These scars will
never fade, make trouble in paradise
You are free to
go, to live as you’d like
Your days
Make the most of the burning tides,
We never know when it’s the last time.
Somewhere in the past, between you and I, my dear
Happy shall remain to those days, no matter what you
do
No matter what frontier
These wars will never leave, we’ll only share this earthly sphere
Follow through everything
I’ll let you go, beyond the grave, above a tomb a broken
wing
A wing of black, of raven old
Wise bird who may have foretold, or will now
The cremation of my bones, buried won’t I ever be
I don’t think I have the choice, you see…
Be, just one chapter in the book of your life
Warm and sweet, made a home’s delight
Once, now apparitions live around me
Ghosts, they whisper stay still, I hope you sleep
profoundly
I hope you are well, my nightmares are drowning
They whisper in my ear
Daily, you and I, my dear, Saturnian tattoo is near
It remains with me to this day
No matter how long I pray, these scars will never fade.
But you don’t want me so I bade
Farewell to phosphorescence, farewell to see you
Now, no one tells me where I go, retreat to
I’ll dive in crystal waters, past of oceans
While everyone tells me to breathe, I just go through the
motions
Breathless gaps, flashbacks of images, patient violence I
bear
Grow back your sharpest teeth, jaws smitten me…beyond repair
It was all that I wore
My desire, maybe next time, garments of a wartime
You’ll take me back
to Eden, take me back to starlight.
Memories dawn. Worried, you are, ... that only the bad remained.
Looking for the good, but the good you ever felt,
does it really linger with you?
Do you still remember it for what it was apart from the aesthetics?
Did it ever occur to you that I can hold both divergent opinions and the amount
of human complexity, both dark and good at the same time? Darkness is needed to
see the stars, nebulae, darkness is the permanent state of our world, outside
the earthly illusion that is day. I met you in the dark, many summer nights
ago. Once my hair turned black.
I know you can still see, how I ever longed to be yours.
How I ever longed to not go blindly into an unknown universe.
I hold your hand for a while.
I was aware the sun would be too bright,
burn way too much to get close.
Yet I wonder if you ever saw the courage behind the leap? ...Now I only see
the noose
I have waited, paralyzed by my own will.
You gave me hope, I took heed, now I only have the quill
Do you like that? Alone, on my own, fighting still
For the dream I had, you helped me recover
Driving at high speed, freedom in need
And it shall never be the same, out of a warm sun only dust remains
Later to be photographed, write She loved me on my epitaph
But you know, I asked of you to burn my body, spread my ashes
While driving
Toward ever more heights, I haven’t lost the dream I had
Made together with you, only now
I will move toward it, mad
Single-player mode, you’ll see I
will, lad
Even though I know
You won’t ever want to come back
No pressure in sight, I only want
you to be your own feedback.
I’m still full of the love you
want. I will go on, single track
Marrying air to water, the
hurricane in me…
Fracturing my existence to the
rhythm of insanity
At the border of humanity,
reaching touch with who I am again
Only screaming silently, for now this
will just do, this reality
Keep smiling, your picture is
still close, close to my heart reminding to be free…
Even if hourly I go under, losing
breath in the deep-sea
Are you still reading? Mad at me?
You gave me the road, the
power to be like thee
A feeling of old, hoping to loved
Don’t you worry,
It was not all bad.
You’ve shown … how to protect
myself, armor-clad
Don’t you worry, I know you’ll be
alright,
To me you will remain, something
apart from finite …
Far from…But…to you …was I just
only a brief moment at midnight?
I got time, time to learn the constellations that broke me
I got time, time
to undo the deluge you carelessly spilled
I got time, time
to break into eons the fire, gather the sea
I got time, time to unforgive every deed that you did.
Yours ran out, remembering
only sour lines
Of all the angels
I asked to be by your side
While you lied
and lied...took days off to see her
Yet... in pain alone
you let me abide, shivered...
Denied a child,
changed your mind, wanting something else,
It’s
alright now though, go find other cells.
Și o să mă doară, de fiecare dată când mă uit la ele,
Sus, în cosmos, la galaxiile și nebuloasele mele
Și o să mă doară de fiecare dată când te caut,
Încă te mai caut printre ele.
Într-o vară ai venit, ai vrut să stai, dar te-ai oprit
Singur, ai fugit, rătăcind pentru nimic.
Dar…s-au nimicit speranțele-n mine, visuri create din fir de
ape
Descântate de vocile line, dispărute cum dispar șiroaie de
nisip
Printre degete, răspândite, alungate de vânt în noapte.
Șuierând șoapte, imagini care n-au să mai fie, așa cum au
fost
Așa cum povestea Sheherezadei curgea să rămână vie
Pentru încă o zi, narațiunea mea nu va mai scrie,
Așa cum se cutremură pământul, toate au un cost
Din țipete surde a amuțit,
Tu te uiți mai departe, în mine se înfige câte un cuțit
În fiecare secundă, un minut întețit
Și știu că au să surâdă, că o să fie fericit
Viața-ntr-o clipă am s-o-ncheg
S-o pierd, să nu mai simt nimic.
I still see how you smile at times
Wondering what's hidden, what lies
You wear, what sights those hazel eyes
Bear, the same sweet scented lips that smear
My neck again as you dive another bite
I know I love you, I see your ticks
How you concentrate, how you breathe
And yet you run away, please don't leave
You don't want me to watch
You, don't want me to be
You aim for what you want, clutch
king every night, take aim, defend the site
The lines took another route, they were supposed to talk about your might
But I still feel afraid, I wonder ...what's wrong
Is it avoidance I feel?
Feeling of a dream when you're with me
But I'm afraid to wake up.
Why am I scared to stand up....
Even though you changed your mind,
I wonder still of a future we
Surreal feeling when you want me
But how can I want me back?
How can I give to myself what you offer me,
And balance how I love you
To not consume the hope in me
To still believe in something we hoped both to be
I feel I lost my craft along with the reality of you
Do I bore you, do you see me too?
Wish we could share the roads again
Together watch the sky, gleefully catch constellations
On the background of your rhythms
I peak through the crenellations
Of your castle while I train my patience
Chained by those denied freedoms.
