Persephone PART III - Wed. Mar 29. 2023

Spring was colder than the winter that’s passed now. The feeling of it, everything harsher in March - seemed like an eerie realization to have. Persephone was supposed to come with more warmth and light, with life after … fright.


The difference that impacted it became clearer. She gasped for air while a tear ran down her cheek, a weeping whipping the heavyweight dimension of her reality now.


Quantum in nature, can you believe? The brain, the mind, the subtleties she was able to grasp.


And as soon as it came, sun shone again, you could feel the rays playing the strings over the horizon.


Do you understand now? It moves mountains, turns metal to gold, turns flowers from death, alive.


And you’ll come back to love, for you know where your home, heart and mind is. Sun is out, trust the process, and my love.

Happy World Poetry Day - 21.03.2024

 

I didn’t know I was autistic

I did not know I could relate

They did not know their raised tunes scared me

Yet still they laughed and screamed.

Overwhelmed by people touching …me …without consent..

Beforehand.

 

I did not know I was autistic …

Distracted, anxious, in pain …

I was told I was an alien, that I had something to gain.

“You're weird, cold, a robot or too flower-power ....”

Man...

I did not know I was autistic,

So I took notes, to concentrate,

So I could …function, focus, work...to understand,

So I could belong with them.

“You’re strange, you’re broken, change your self”

I wanted to be asked too for some events,

To join, to have the chance...

Make friends.

They were annoyed at my attempts, my way of thinking,

I did not share their strengths.

Was made to feel I was too much, too little too…

Yet not enough.

It’s too cold out, it hurts my skin, forgetting often to hydrate or eat

It’s better though, with music on, some days I can let go

Others I can’t, no more.

 

I did not know I was autistic,

“Too guarded, strict, and too controlled,

You are chaotic”, I was told 

When I tried only to belong.

Numai 6/7 Jan 2024

Nu mai vreau să te iubesc

Mi-a ajuns ani să tânjesc

După ploi, să ude fLorile din mine

După praf de stele, planete aride 

Galaxii îndepărtate, pleacă în ochii tăi 

Pe buzele mele, și-n cosmosul meu noi doi. 

M-ai lăsat să cad, abandonat

Într-o chimie absurdă, am decedat 

De teamă m-am trădat, am clacat

Am renunțat

La visuri pentru un viitor refuzat. 

E iarnă în mine acum, urmează tăcere

Încet îmi adun cuvintele printre fum cu durere

De mere, fructul interzis

Am să transform trauma ce a ucis

Copilul și lumina din mine, 

Iar din primăvară am să mă iubesc pe mine.

Mai stau puțin, e iarnă cu tine.

De mână cu Atena, Artemis, Persefona

Tu ai ales deja

Cariera ta, 

Eu rămân cu a mea

Melodie în cuLori

Rămâi cu bine, suflet cu nori.

Să-ți amintești să te joci și să zbori. 

Când ne mișcă vântul - 28.10.2023

 Nu cred că plângi când mă auzi, maestru al valurilor

Nu cred că florile plâng când le atinge vântul de dorul tău,

La fel cum curge sângele din mine când nu te mai văd.

Nu cred că vrei să mai ascunzi puterea anilor

Te-apasă cerul, mi-ai dat drumul la mână

Promisiuni și visuri, lăsate în urmă....

Dar te-am găsit din nou...

Nu cred că încă mai cânți ... așa cum cântă marea

După atingerea ta, așa cum mă trezește zarea

Când soarele crapă ziua, lin, cu Venus veghind

Peste noi, iubire unde te-ai pierdut?

Rătăcit pe drum? Nu știu.... cum țin florile

Parfumul aproape, când pășești printre ele...

Nu știu cum nu tremură pământul când lacrimi te pătrund

Și nu le lași să cadă, nu le lași căzând..

Nu cred....cum cântă ritmul tău cosmic în noapte

Alină inima bătând la 132, atunci când plâng și eu

Lacrimi in curcubeu, lumini de auroră se joacă cu al meu eu.

Se mai poate?

Dă-mi-te lună.

Am pășit împreună, prin foc și prin ape,

Mi-ai dovedit de atâtea ori, prin zi, prin noapte

Plângi acum, lasă văile să curgă acasă...

Nesecate de rău, le e sete ...de arșița din noi

De fulgere din nori, de m-ai fi făcut mireasă...

A nopții, vieții, morții... fețele unei monede

Lasă sufletul să cânte, până când stelele se aprind

Eu am să scriu din durere zâmbete

La umbra unui gând, atunci când noaptea cade

Voi colora pe ceruri momentele calde

Și o să învăț soarele să cânte culoarea ochilor tăi

Să pot să mă pierd mereu în ei.

Sleeping at last 5 /Sept/2023

Where's Saturn gravitating toward, sleeping at last?

In the vast infinite, grasp the star-lighting-heart,

Tearing my skin apart, raw skin, crutches to lean

While left alone to fight, bleeding I fear 

I understand more than I seem, field mines

Are set, I'm blind and handicapped, drugged

On lorazepam, cut the spam of voices around.

Travels and concerts, photos, movies and all

Bring your machine gun, I'm yours to shoot .

Ignore the trenches, they keep showing their faces

I recognize none, few seem to see, deeper than thee

Light me on fire and send me to the sea

Let the rain sizzle while the water tension breaks

..... T o be ...continued..

How do you wash your regrets?

Gasp – 21.05.2023

It’s tough these days, a spell of madness shields the unknown

Upon the ocean, the embers don’t seem to burn no more

I visited the capitals of your sorrows only to discover

That with the warmth of your smile I’d like to take cover

In the coldest of days when the sun hides, together feels like homeland

Since our wandering apart from the creation of our cells 

It takes two to the border of peace, to find within and rest

With everything that’s gone amiss, and we accept our darkness

And shadows dancing around, yet we still fight

Together to raise the sails for our boat, drive us to the harbor of Bliss

My letters are running from me, stories mingle together, and

I’m afraid of the abyss that’s lurking next to me,

From the visions that don’t leave me be.

A few minutes, couple of hours of the sun-sea I get,

You are still shining, Polaris during my nights in my days 

You make art of my frights, you keep your promises by dawn

I want to dream into being the magic in me, the face of liberty

And freedom of worry is the smile in your eyes, you bring life

Back into me while I travel within, while I cry tears 

And rainbows seem to be in the drops caught in the palm

Of a child left behind in the storm that became the present-day life

I feel tired now, waiting for the singing wind to come 

As I try to raise consciousness kissing this paper,

As it does mine, hoping to feel better.

WASD - 3.04.2023

 Never theirs to hold 

Never one to be told

"Mine" to protect 

Defend, 9 crimes

Please add one more 

It is the soul that dies

Yet again

Rebirth it in the morning 

This mourning yet alone 

Not yours to be 

You don't claim me 

Not anymore 

So maybe

I Depart from 

the shore

Sail away this tornado

A hurricane of ....

Losses

Floating, lost in verses

Flying like a fucking

Frisbee through space

Mistake 

Again 

Hoping for more

Yet reality's dogs checked in 

They don't stop, their bark

Is deafening,  just talkers 

Can't stop whispering 

Their tears withering 

Hoping for the sun 

Have you not understood yet ?

Detachment's balm 

The darkness that

Inside I hold 

Will the universe unfold?

Now that you are old ? 

Made from a broken mold 

To ashes I turn 

In fire reborn 

A dragon ... once more. 

Mindsplit - 29 Mar 2023

 While I learn to embrace the storms in me 

For the darkness given by all is steering 

The wheel that I turn, Kali, name it all

The black of me turned to a yellow ball

Of fire, sun on my skin I aspire 

Higher 

Than this mortal flesh, I weep for the loss

For the mesh, rejections slips stack 

And I hack the prison minds, shackles

All try to bound, my wrists, tied to a cross

"Burn the witch" they said, I lost 

My self, died again, how many re-births

Shall I take

Before I break? 

Before you all see 

The power and joy that you feel 

In this soul covered by thick skin,

Puppet on a string you all see 

The rope is invisible, but the will

Ask your selves to where it ends 

While I bend, kneel as my power lends

To your behalf, well-being and kill

Yet again this spirit, child 

The future I still 

See 

Unraveling, ravishing hurricanes 

To heal.

And it hurt, that I don't belong 

To anybody but the truth 

That I am not anyone's to hold 

An acute pain in the heart

It strikes, lands apart 

The earth quakes

The bells ring on my feet

While I dance again to your will

For the blame - I can take it all

Give your darkness to me,

Make me fall

And in this tall abyss 

I will fly my wings 

Till I find my somebody 

To me, committed to be

Mine, to shine 

Together, 

Brave

To far away skies

In a galaxy 

High 

Surrounded by our stars

Home in the nebulae we have

Forever and always in sight

Touch 

Mind connected to heart

Energies bound

To one another

In our cosmic ship to gather

All we will ever be

My reverie turned reality.

Lo.Phi. -19.Mar.2023

Dark forest ablaze, lighting the sky above 

Two falling stars, heavenly woe

You sleep with the moon guiding you

To me, I bring the dawn, you see…

Reverie, call my name, similar to 

A storm, the light in you

The dark of me is to 

Burn everything in a rage, longing for you 

Rowing our ship on these oceans, I weep, 

Walk on burning coal, each day, accept the steep

Pathway to your will, desire, kill me 

Again each day, and I rise from the ashes free

From society’s chains, and dance like a monkey

To your rhythm, our frequencies like poetry

I met you in the future, you’ve taken me aback

Stole glances from me but wouldn’t dare to ask 

“Hey hurricane, how have you been?”

Purity embodied, you magically spelled me into stories

Known in all mythologies, music in my soul, the lore of me is

Now your whispers’ balm on my ears, breath over my neck

Spiritually held, divinity has bent, their knee

To our identity

As one

And would you think?

I would blink?

Would I ever allow any to forget the love we bear?

I’ll dance rasa-lila to your name, diamond in a tower

Veneration while I breathe, fire in my speech, people cower 

At it, and I seek no permission to feel, pray, and alter destinies 

Windwalker, I see, you walk on water, ether like, paint tapestries

With your smile, the burning in your eyes deafens all the noise

While your laughter, thunder to my joys.

Dad? - 10.03.2023

 

How many times do I need to pass through your death, father?

Having not caught the moment to say good-bye then

Have I disappointed you? I did my best and

I’m tired, alone and scared, I falter, further

From the happiness you wished for me,

The winter is harsher, life got harder

Yet I still fight, I’m tired father

I want to rest, maybe take me to there?

Where is best?

To sleep?

And never wake,

In bliss abiding

No wish, … no rent

No food to ask for

No love

Nor joy

No sorrow

No pain

It rained,

The second day we buried you.

Last night? You died again in my arms, bloody, I was crying

I was trying, to tell you

I love you, I miss you

Was I the last person to see you?

Leave my apartment?

Then never to be heard again, 

Only to be found sleeping

Alone...

Were you in pain?

I'm sorry I could not be more.

I hope ... you found your peace

And hurt never more.

Have you ever? 3.3.2023

 

You said it.

You said it'd be alright.

Notions deep as oceans, they're calling out my name

You can scream it while dealing with the pain 

My mind off you can't go, I'm never away

Eyes are as real as these shadows

We battle them in the dark, 

Together, embraced, I can be your light

House on a stormy shore 

A thousand thunders won't turn me around 

Your neck is bloody red stained marked

You're not alone, you got me now

Whatever it takes, howl

To the depths, I can be your moon in the dark

Shine over your hurt, heal your mind

Will you? take my hand? 

Have you? Ever loved?

Ever felt mine? You are. 

Alizee -26 feb 2023

If only you could see you the way I do 

I’d give anything to be able to heal you

See the stars come alive, with your dimples’ smile

Your eyes, oceans in a rise, you hide

From my art, you’re shy, I know, stay 

See the life in the green I say, 

To you, and fight warrior fight

With justice and hope, and light

The way for other’s darkness

A candle, your laughter’s brightness

In the night, I’ll lend you my energy 

When you’re tired I’ll make the cosmos

Come to life

Take my hand, friend, understand

You are here you’re alive

Sing with your art

Let my madness make chaos out of the blank

Reality you sometimes drown into

Resurrect your soul in spring, don’t you worry, go to

The light and the beauty you felt in a glimpse

Smoke my love while I dance to the rhythm 

Of the cosmos, I sing, Deewani, hai dewaani

Foreign tongues we speak, still we understand

Signs’ language, I see, you.

I see red, in your blood let it flow

Come alive, come to yellow, sun shine

Your joy over everyone I know 

Blue and green you’ll love again 

Rock on in your home, embrace your self, let it rain

In Portugal there’s only warmth, 

I tell

You

Are 

Well. 

Never turning back - 1 FEB 2023

I would break the chains of your mind, I'd do it any time.

You sometimes leave, you do, you forget me

Run from me. 

Why?  

Have I not shown you 

Everything that I do? What am I capable of...

How ...do I love... you?

Why do you hurt, me? Can you please not...do...?.That?

And you see the peace in me, 

Feel the light around me

So whenever you're throwing 

burning

coal

at my skin, 

Think of the impact your actions and words have

on my mind.

It's like diamond,

Don't

Shatter it. 

Are you blind?

Hey o/ - 1 FEB 2023

 Hey, 

My flesh and blood burn for you 

Na'vi Blue

Of the water, air, and Earth 

Fire in our bones, our breath

Steam up in the mountains' spring

Vapors of soma, 

Wake me up from a coma, 

Pain...induced.

Say the words, light the world and burn

Everything that rots.

And come, faster to the shore. We'll have the island.

Forever more.

I'll cross mountains with an empty hand,

I'll walk barefoot in the hot desert sands,

I'll fight

The world

Just to see the color of your eyes.

Drown in the curves of your smile. 

Your hands are energy 2 feb 2023

 Close your eyes love, get guided by my energy

Flow into me, flow into reverie, remember the faerie

Forest we have been into, crash into 

Me.

Smile your wicked smile, curves on my body

It feels like Poetry.

We’re hands in crime, fire in your eyes, cries

Of pleasure, I moan your name, you stay

Release, hold me, we’re rising from the abyss

Tie me, hold me down, bite ME …

my neck and I bow

To your brain, mind, matter into energy and back to mine

Come into me, kiss me …

We’re life alive. 

I shiver, you smile, I coil, you Hide

In me, deep down, dig deeper, from behind

My waist wrapped in your hands, grab my hair

And I die, yet rebirth forever more stars

Forever you’re mine, cry it out now

Whisper my name, whisper it loud. 

Tie my hands back in shackles, shiver

I shatter worlds in your defense, wither

Oceans in the absence 

of our embrace

Smile, goddess, I worship thee, Ace of hearts

Emperor, Knight Of wands, King of spades I plea

For your happiness, Be

With me.


P.S. Scars to beautiful :) 

Leilah of the suns - 6 FEB 2023

Disperse the oceans of my tearful eyes

Give all your warmest smiles

In all worlds, there are places for us, 

My heavens, without you I bring hell

A mere shell, you activate the stars.

Give in to me, silk skin, sing

In my soul, give me reason my kin,

And let’s jump from the edge of it, 

Forget boring, lines in, whisper it

Sing me the scenes, embrace me

In sunsets, wake me gently, oh sea

And see the oceans before you

Life is everywhere in the water around you

I am madness in flesh I know

We are all soul now, let go of the ego.